Tirriph

Tirriph is a Half-Elf that accompanied the party during the Gaping Asshole of the World campaign. He accompanied the party up until his capture by the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus; he was reunited with the party months later when they discovered him as a captive to the Nuns in the Forbidden Woods.

Appearance
Tirriph is a very tall, muscular person, covered in many scars -- more so than most martial combatants, largely thanks to his unique fighting style, which exposes his body to blows much more frequently than more typical fighting styles. For reasons yet unknown, Tirriph, as is the case with the rest of his people, has a blue coloration to his skin and hair. He has bright yellow eyes, and he only wears a loincloth, as any more clothing would, in his words, 'reduce my dexterity.' Additionally, rumors that his genitals grow to up to 8" in length and 3" in diameter have been circulating as of late, though the source for these assertions remains unclear.

Personality
Tirriph is a very strong-headed person, who stops at nothing to achieve his goals. Despite this, he is not the smartest character, and can generally be persuaded to believe almost anything about subjects he knows little about / does not care about. Once his views are set, however, it becomes very difficult to change them -- as an example, it was a very lengthy process to convince him he was cucked after Cockblockula kidnapped Scarlett during the first Pensylvania arc. Additionally, Tirriph does not believe in wearing clothes of any kind beyond a simple loincloth, as he believes wearing clothes, and armor by extension, 'reduces his dexterity'. In general, Tirriph is more of an act first, think later kind of person, who would do anything for those he cares about.

Background
Tirriph was born as all half elves were, during the Night of Debauchery. His mother, a human, sheltered him for as long as she could, however eventually the authorities came and forcibly exiled him into the forest along with the rest of his kind. During the 10,000 Fags' March, he emerged among the group of exiled half-elves as leader, largely because he was the tallest among them. Since he, like the rest of them, was only a child at the time of the Great Exile, he didn't know quite how to lead 10000 people, let alone adequately take care of them, so many children starved and infighting arose during the harsh first year of exile. Eventually he did become an effective leader, and it showed. His troop of exilees prospered and a functioning society grew out of one of the most shameful moments in the history of the Forbidden Woods. It would not prove to last, however. Not long after he and his troop reached adulthood, the Gangbanger Scourge (raiders sponsored by authorities of the forbidden woods) would hit them full force. Tirriph would personally lead the night patrols looking out for the gangbangers, but he couldn't stop them all. Even after several attempts to find and destroy the people behind the gangbanger raids, they still continued. Eventually, after mounting frustration about his inability to stop the raids for good, Tirriph appointed his close friend, Hpirrit, leader of the troop in perpetuity until he came back from the Great Expedition. It was on this expedition to stop the gangbangers for good that he came across and joined the first Phallica campaign...

The Party
While exploring Florida in his quest for vengeance against the Gangbangers, Tirriph stumbled upon Nax, Philip of Sova Scrotia, and John Gottowt. Though initially mistaken for Gangbangers, the group explained that they were trying to stop the Gaping Asshole from opening and dooming all of Phallica. Tirriph, realizing that the end of the world would be an even worse fate for his people, set aside his vendetta against the Gangbangers to stop the horrors of the Gaping Asshole.

The Finger Statue
Shortly before encountering the party members of the First Phallica Campaign, Tirriph stumbled across a giant statue of a hand, with only its index finger extended, pointing straight up at the sky. He didn't think much of it, but his butthole tingled a little after walking past it, as it marked the grave of Gallius, and Gallius's spirit found residence in Tirriph's ass at that moment.

Phoctor Dil
Later on, Gallius started trying to actively possess Tirriph, so the group sought out a therapist by the name of Phoctor Dil to fix this. Phoctor Dil gave Tirriph a holy buttplug which had a cross on the end of it, which Tirriph used to keep Gallius's spirit at bay.

The Hotel
During the party's first night in Miramar, they needed a place to stay, so they went to a local inn and asked the innkeeper about the prices for rooms for a night. The innkeeper gave an outlandish price, to which Tirriph called him out on by saying he was a 'jew', and in response, the innkeeper threw the whole party out, and they slept on the street. On his way out, Tirriph promised the innkeeper that he'd go make his own hotel, with blackjack and hookers.

The very next day, Tirriph began looking for buildings suitable for conversion into a hotel. He eventually found an abandoned mansion, with a lone guard outside on the street in front of him, warning him that it was 'dangerous' and that he would need a 'deed' first. Not being fazed in the slightest, Tirriph marched straight to the Miramar property management office, and asked for the deed tot he abandoned mansion. The clerk there repeatedly asked him if he was absolutely sure he wanted to own the mansion, as it was haunted. Tirriph repeatedly dismissed the severity of the situation, noting that it would just be a 'themed hotel'. He proceeded to purchase the deed to the mansion for exactly $0.00.

Tirriph immediately headed to the hotel, informing his fellow party members along the way of his new business venture. John and Nax were concerned about the 'haunted' aspect of the mansion, and as such went and hired a crack team of Ghosthunters to investigate, unbeknownst to Tirriph. While renovating the mansion into a hotel later that day, the rest of the party entered the hotel with the Ghosthunters, who were all immediately beheaded by the ghost upon entering. Tirriph heard them scream, but he chalked it up to the wind. Eventually, the party found him, and summarily found themselves in a never-ending hallway. After many attempts to escape from the mansion failed, the party and Tirriph found themselves in the mansion's basement, where they discovered both the bones and ghost of Draconus Del Fuego, who had been restlessly haunting the mansion because he had died without smashing his high school crush.

In order to stop the hauntings, the party went and retrieved the bones of his high school crush from the Miramar graveyard, and in doing so mistakenly triggered a zombie uprising in Miramar. They quickly returned the bones to Draconus Del Fuego, who then turned Nax into a full-on dragon, and then immediately started humping his deceased crush's bones. The ensuing transformation of Nax into a dragon destroyed the mansion-hotel, and for the time being ruined Tirriph's dreams of being a hotel tycoon. Additionally, it was at this point, right before Nax turned into a dragon, that Tirriph promised Nax he would get him laid by Sanh.

Stev
Later on in the campaign, Tirriph decided he needed a traveling companion to carry around the group's things and what-not, so he purchased a mule from a merchant in Palm Bay, and named it Stev. Later on, party members and others would report horrific visions after staring into Stev's eyes, but Tirriph never had these visions, and as such never believed his party members. This would come back to haunt Tirriph in a way he would never imagine...

The Ballista
As the party neared Miami, they had one last important stop to make before entering the Floridian capital -- this stop being, of course, the castle of John's old order, the Order of the Free Cock. Upon arriving there Tirriph found an intact ballista, accompanied by ballista bolts, and took a liking to the weapon.

Knight Lieutenant Koin
Deep within John's old castle, Tirriph & co. encountered an insane former member of John's order, and fought him in a bitter-close quarters engagement that resulted in Tirriph's near-death, and the dislodgement of his holy buttplug, which let Gallius's spirit loose in the room -- thankfully for the party, Gallius's spirit possessed Knight Lieutenant Koin himself, and this possession allowed John the opportunity to execute Koin, which he immediately took after a brief conversation with Gallus's spirit. Upon the death of Koin, Gallius's spirit immediately entered the room again, but this time it possessed Nax, who Tirriph promptly gave the holy buttplug to keep Gallius's spirit at bay.

Meeting Scarlett
The party finally arrived at Miami, and preaching at the main gate was a fiery Battle Nun acolyte name Scarlett -- she was attempting to recruit citizens to help her establish a missionary outpost, and Tirriph promptly took interest in her after describing a missionary outpost as a 'church hotel'. Additionally, she seemed impressed by his many battle scars, which by now covered most of his body. She decided to follow him, and they took a mutual liking to each other.

The Battle for Miami
Only a few days after meeting Scarlett and discovering that she possessed the deed to John's order's castle, the Gaping Asshole of the world finally opened wide, and hordes upon hordes of demons descended on Florida, and quickly overtook most cities and towns. Miami, the capital of Florida, was one of the few cities to put up significant resistance to the demon invasion, and it just so happened that Tirriph, Scarlett, and the party were present in Miami when the demons attacked. They immediately rushed to the King's palace to offer their services in defense of the city,and the group made plans to stop the demons at Miami, once and for all.

Stev's Betrayal
Immediately after agreeing on the plan to defend the city, Stev, who had been missing for a few days now, rushed inside in the blink of an eye and assassinated the floridian king. Stev then proceeded to raise the king from the dead as a mindless, undead servant, and the king attacked the party at once. Tirriph flew into a rage, and started furiously pummeling Stev with his fists. However, the worst was yet to come.

Scarlett's Death
As the fight progressed, the group struggled to gain any real advantage. John was locked in combat with the undead king, and tirriph and rick limes fought Stev side-by-side. Scarlett, seeing John taking quite a beating, rushed over to try and heal him -- unluckily for her, the undead king changed his focus from John to her, and in two blows with his waraxe, killed her. Tirriph noticed something was wrong when he heard a deafening scream, and stopped fighting Stev momentarily to look in the direction of the scream. He turned just in time to see Scarlett's head get obliterated by the zombie king.

PTSD, PTSD, and more PTSD
What happened next was rather brutal. Tirriph, already enraged at his companion's betrayal, now just witnessed his new friend for whom he had budding feeling for get killed, in no small part because his companion betrayed him. He let out a deafening screech, and immediately went back to pummeling Stev, not relenting in the slightest. Even once he and Rick killed Stev, he didn't relent, and Tirriph, mad with rage, kept punching Stev's corpse until it was a mushy pulp, and then some. When he was finally done, he turned to help the rest of the party defeat the undead king, only to watch them strike the undead king down.

Escape from Miami
Tirriph, unwilling to accept what just happened to Scarlett, carried her headless corpse with him as the party left the deceased king's castle. They immediately fought off a small group of flying demons that were attacking the gate -- they succeded, however the city at large was slowly being overwhelmed by the sheer number of demons attacking its walls. The party briefly debated staying and defending the city, but they were cut off by a major section of the wall breaking and a torrent of demons flooding in. Tirriph and the party quickly decided to escape the city, and Tirriph helped shove their way through the fleeing masses to the docks at the edge of the city, where they happened to see BRAAAAAAGH passing by on his boat. The party flagged him down and ran aboard, Tirriph still carrying Scarlett's body, and boarded the boat shortly before the demons reached the docks. The party sailed off, with a sobbing Tirriph, and watched Miami burn.

First Capture by the Battle Nuns
Tirriph immediately barricaded himself in one of the guest rooms below deck with Scarlett's body, and would not come out for anyone. John at one point tried to force the door open, but he found that tirriph had barricaded it with furniture after he lockpicked it. Three days passed like this, before BRAAAAAAGH's boat was intercepted by a battle nun vessel, and promptly boarded and the party, and BRAAAAAAGH, taken as prisoner. Tirriph was the last to be captured, as the nuns had to break the door and barricade down. Upon seeing him cradling the now 3-day old headless corpse of Scarlett, then immediately assumed he was the one who killed her, and immediately accused him of her murder, and tried to arrest him. Tirriph was enraged at the mere suggestion that he could have killed Scarlett, and resisted his arrest, fighting off the battle nuns for as long as he could, until they beat him unconscious and put him in the prison hold, with the rest of his party.

Interrogation by the Battle Nuns
Tirriph, along with the rest of the party, were interrogated one-by-one by the Canoness of the battle nun contingent that had arrested them. When Tirriph was brought in for questioning, it didn't take long for him to break down in tears, as not only was he still grieving the loss of Scarlett, but he also could not comprehend how the nuns could even think that he would harm her. Fortunately for Tirriph, later on in the night, after all the interrogations were through, Sanh broke him and the party out of the prison hold on board the battle nun vessel, and they escaped.

Second Capture by the Battle Nuns
Not long after the fall of Miami and during the events of the Great Prolapse, Tirriph and his accompanying party found themselves tripping on arcane dust not far from the outskirts of Tampa (for more information on how this happened, see the Exodus from Florida). During his trip, Tirriph hallucinated dying of rapid dysentery from eating a poisoned potato, and shortly thereafter woke up in the custody of the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus. He was still wanted for the murder of Scarlett, and regardless of how many times he pleaded with the nuns, they still condemned him of murder and, even worse, mansplaining. For this grievance against womankind they agreed he would pay the ultimate price; however, due to the timely intervention of a sympathetic sister, he would be spared castration if he could be 're-educated'. This re-education consisted primarily of receiving 40 lashes every day while several nuns stood around him in the shape of their womanhood yelling at him about such things as 'mansplaining', 'the patriarchy', and 'women's choice'. While initially resilient, Tirriph could not hold out forever against their 're-education', and he eventually succumbed and became utterly brainwashed in their ideology. For more details on how this happened, see Tirriph's Last Journals.

Time with Caliban
After being brainwashed by the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus, Tirriph, under the guidance of his assigned mentor, Sister Caliban, began doing miscellaneous work around the Forbidden Woods encampment he was in, as a part of his rehabilitation process. During this time, he bonded with Caliban, and began to regard her as a surrogate sister, of sorts. Caliban in turn, slowly began to change her opinion of Tirriph, after both witnessing his behavior firsthand and hearing his many stories day after day. However, she eventually began developing feelings for Tirriph, unbeknownst to him.

Rediscovery by the Party
Some time passed like this, and Tirriph became somewhat accustomed to doing work for the nuns under Caliban's tutelage. In total about four weeks passed without event until the Party happened upon the battle nun encampment at the beginning of The Forbidden Woods Arc of the First Phallica campaign.

The Party, at this point composed of Tirriph's old friends Phillip and Nax, in addition to a new member Tirriph was unfamiliar with, Garen, discovered the encampment as a part of the anti-invasion operations they were conducting in the area. Phillip Immediately recognized Tirriph despite his condition (namely, him being almost naked and in a cage), and immediately began questioning the nuns as to why an innocent man was imprisoned in their custody. It was at this point that Tirriph began justifying his own imprisonment to Phillip, as he was totally brainwashed into believing that he was rightly imprisoned, though he knew not why.

After some negotiation, the nuns agreed that Tirriph could go out and investigate an attack on a battle nun patrol with the Party on the condition that Caliban come along with him to supervise him. On this mission, the Party explained to Caliban again that he was innocent of the things he was imprisoned for, and after witnessing his behavior away from the nuns Caliban became convinced that he should be released. Upon their return to the battle nun encampment, Caliban successfully secured Tirriph's release and accompanied the Party during the next leg of their campaign in The Forbidden Woods.

Lost in Pennsylvania
As the Party was journeying through the Forbidden Woods, Phillip completely by accident led them into Pennsylvania, a oft-ignored part of the Forbidden Woods, as its primary residents are in fact vampires. Additionally, while it is relatively easy to enter, it is extremely difficult to leave, as some sort of enchantment prevents people from leaving via a yet undetermined means.

Once in Pennsylvania, the Party quickly stumbled across The Hotel Pennsylvania, as it is hard to miss and positioned to be on many visitors' paths. However, this is no ordinary hotel, for its customers are primarily vampires. Tirriph was elated at the sight of the hotel, as hotels are a personal interest of his. Tirriph and co. were forcibly recruited by Count Dankula to be Master Chef Gremblo Ramsey's new cooking assistants; Tirriph, wanting to learn how to run a hotel effectively and impress Count Dankula, immediately agreed and followed the Count, with the party in tow.

While in the service of Count Dankula, the party cooked up a few dishes, most of them involving blood, for the Hotel's guests. After they were finished with their duties on their first day, they retired to the room provided for them, which was a small, rectangular, concrete room. While in here, the party discussed ways of getting out of Pennsylvania, which led to them discussing Cockblockula, the Governor of Pennsylvania. It was here than Garen suggested the party perform a seance with one of the party's old companions (who are now deceased), in order to learn more about him.

Upon discovering that it was possible to speak with the dead, Tirriph immediately suggested that garen perform the seance on Scarlett; Tirriph had no idea whether or not she would know anything about Cockblockula, he just wanted to speak to her again, as all of his memories of her death at the hands of the undead King of Florida came back. Garen agreed, and after some persuasion, Sister Caliban agreed to be the host for the seance, so that way Scarlett would be able to speak freely while it was active.

Campaign Appearances

 * First Phallica Campaign