Church of Autism

The Church of Autism is a minority religious organization that worships the metaphysical force of "Autism." The Church describes Autism as the most powerful force in the world, and its power manifests in a magical influence that has harmful effects on knowing and unknowing people, beginning with an unstable mental state and eventually reaching transformation into a mindless aberration. Worshipers of the Church of Autism, called "Autists," are known for their eccentric nature, inability to communicate effectively, and love for chicken tenders. The Church of Autism is rejected and ostracized, far worse than The Cult of Frank the Fingerer, as Autism poses a great threat to the residents of Phallica.

History
With the decline of the Cult of Frank the Fingerer after the conclusion of The Great War, Phallica's religious climate found peace for a period of time. Some years after the Holy Cocksade, as if filling the hole left behind by the Cult, word spread of a rising fanatical group in Florida. Although initially ignored because the group's numbers were minimal and stayed relatively harmless, tension began to rise as members began actively evangelizing. The members described themselves as the Church of Autism, and they passionately preached about a force they called "Autism." Two speakers stood out above the rest, identifying themselves as Hanzo and Genji. Although they both initially preached in unison, they slowly devolved into fighting with each other about the definition of potable and the proper way to cook chicken tenders. Despite the apparent nonsense of their words, some members of the audience appeared to show a newfound faith in Autism.

Repeated evangelizing over the next few weeks led to a considerable growth in members of the Church. When their followers reached over two hundred men and women, the group spread to additional towns, furthering the spread of Autism. It was only at this point that the malignant effects of Autism became apparent. Those recruited into the Church of Autism began to show signs of erratic behavior, as their families in friends noticed increasing distance, lack of effective communication, and a strange interest in a fictional country known as the "Ottoman Empire."

The spread of the Church went unimpeded for several months, as the residents of Phallica dismissed the group as eccentric cultists. Unimpeded, their numbers grew to the thousands, and at this point, the horrific effects of Autism began to manifest. Worshipers seemingly broke down in mental function and communication. The Church seemingly developed its own language, primarily consisting of "REEEEE" in different tones and lengths. Members would gather in public places, harassing those that did not consider Ottomans the greatest empire. Evangelization became similar to a riot, with large groups of Autists organizing "raids" of public buildings and violently attacking passerby with katanas, simultaneously screaming the same phrase..."Ryū ga waga teki wo kurau!"

- Autists Using the blood of their victims, they would plaster the walls with repeated images, unholy idols that they referred to as "Pepe" and "Kappa." On occasion, some Autists were singled out and accused of failing to show true dedication and love for Autism. Other Autists gathered around that individual, and, as they screamed "There was always something you could have done better," they dismembered the rejected Autist. At its worst, horrific transformations were witnessed. Autists doubled over, as the skin on their body visibly changed to a bread-like material. Their bodies suddenly expanded outwards, reaching a patty shape. The changes continued for several minutes while the Autist screamed in agony. Once the transformation ceased, the Autist was no longer human; they now resembled an enormous, anthropomorphic hamburger. Human limbs stretched out from the buns, and a human head, moaning and occasionally muttering only the phrase "More tendies," protruded from the bun, albeit with barely recognizable features.

Despite the display of madness and horror from the Autists, the insanity still managed to spread. Many people who witnessed the events were suddenly compelled to worship Autism, seemingly by some supernatural or magical influence. Even as some innocents were being murdered by the Autists, they began to passionately worship Autism, screaming praises of chicken tenders and the Ottomans as they died.

Fear gripped all of Florida, and as the Church of Autism spread to all corners of Phallica, a global effort was made to eliminate all traces of Autism before it consumed the entire continent. Bloody battles ensued across all countries, but the Autists fought back with surprising force. When in battle, the Autists launched into a magical fury, later referred to as "Tard Rage," and they fought with sudden strength and surprising coordination as they screamed "REEEEE" together. After months of hard fought battles, the Autists were seemingly eliminated as all known groups were killed, and apparent leaders known as Hanzo and Genji were cut down and their bodies burned.

However, the Autistic nightmare that Phallica endured was far from over. Only a month after the last remnant of the Church of Autism was removed, Hanzo and Genji appeared in the Forbidden Woods once more, seemingly back from the dead. The cycle repeated itself, and it was once again quelled after much bloodshed. Over the next many years, Hanzo and Genji would appear in different towns across Phallica with no apparent pattern in towns. The period between uprisings in Autism varied greatly, with the shortest delay being a mere week to longest being over 4 years.

Despite much experience with dealing with the various Autistic incursions over the centuries after the Great War, the Church of Prostaticus and the Mage's Guild struggles to quell At the time of the Gaping Asshole of the World Campaign, the most recent rise of Autism was 4 months prior to the start of the campaign.