John Gottowt

John Gottowt was a human Ranger/Fighter who appeared primarily in the Gaping Asshole of the World campaign. John was the last surviving member of the Order of the Free Cock. He was killed by Nax Fel'Zora to advance The Plot in the Badlands.

Early life
John Gottowt was born to Alice and his unknown father in the town of Destin, north of Miami. Alice died in child birth due to compilations, so John was taken custody by his Alice's aunt and her husband in Niceville, a small, unmarked settlement east of Miami. John's adoptive parents treated him extremely poorly and saw him as worthless. John sought comfort in the other inhabitants of Niceville, only to learn they were equally hostile towards him. John documents his experiences in detail in his journal, saying:

"I FUCKING HATE THESE PEOPLE THEY'RE ALL DICKS"

- John Gottowt

While seeking solace in the forest, John encountered an old huntsman, who saw potential in John. John quickly latched on to the huntsman, as he was the only person who ever showed John love. John was taught to use a crossbow, and he quickly grew to become a skilled ranger and hunter.

Cock Blocking
At the age of 15, John encountered newcomers to Niceville who called themselves the Steward family. The Steward family had a child of their own, a girl of John's age named Jessica. John was infatuated with Jessica, and he made many attempts to capture her heart. After a few weeks of John's flirtatious albeit ultimately ineffective attempts, John attempted to make a more definitive push for her love. As John leaned in to kiss Jessica, the most defining event of John's life occurred: Cock Blockula appeared. As he manifested from the shadows of the forest, the powerful vampire cast his dark magic, causing John's flirtatious skills to plummet and Jessica to see Cock Blockula as the more attractive mate. Jessica announced her love Cock Blockula, leaping into his arms as they dashed away into the forest far out of John's sight. John will forever remember the words of Cock Blockula that day...

"No mad puss for u fag lol"

- Cock Blockula

John curled up in the woods in complete shock as to how hard his cock had been blocked. Little did John know magical cock blocking has severe consequences, and his life force was slowly draining from him. As John cried on the ground for hours, he waited for death to take him. Just as John was about to embrace death, a man clad in weapons and vampire hunting gear found John and quickly cured him of his blocked cock. The man identified himself as Gabriel, master of the The Order of the Free Cock. Gabriel explained to John that a master vampire known as Cock Blockula was plaguing Florida, cock blocking its inhabitants and cucking as many people as possible. He offered John a choice:

"Either forever remain a cuck, or embrace your destiny and hunt the great evil that is Cock Blockula."

- Gabriel, Master of the Order of the Free Cock

John felt sudden empowered, and with a passion inspired by fury and zeal, accepted Gabriel's offer: John will join the Order of the Free Cock, save Jessica, and kill Cock Blockula.

Initiation Into the Order of the Free Cock
John traveled to the home of the Order of the Free Cock, Cock Castle, north of Miami, where he began a three year long training process. As Gabriel was the man who saved John's life, he acted as John's master during all three years. John began his career as a monster hunter and embarked on a variety of adventures and contracts.

The Wereblobfish Contract
John was tasked with a contract sourced from a small town in which reports of a "Wereblobfish" were mentioned. Although the Order and John knew this creature to be fictional, he investigated nevertheless. As it turns out, John realized the entire town was constantly strung out on arcane dust, and John discovered the entire population of the town cowering in a corner from a small fish covered in hair flopping in the town square. John simple picked up the fish and placed it in a bucket, and he received great praise from the town.

"The Beast That Hides in her Sheets" Job
When reports of an apparent cucking was reported, John was sent to investigate for any vampiric activity. John arrived at the town, greeted by the man who requested the contract. He believes his wife is currently sleeping with another, and based on the evidence, he thinks a vampire is at work. Until John and the Order did something about it, his cock would be most certainly blocked, and his life would be at risk. John began his investigation by hiding in the closet of the man's bedroom, and he watched at night for any signs of cock blocking vampires. An unknown man wandered into the room of the wife, clad in the archetypal outfit of the vampire. John leaped from the closet and murdered the vampire, proclaiming his victory. As the woman screamed in horror, John examined the corpse of his enemy. Upon further inspection, he realized this vampire looked oddly human and had fake fangs. John realized this man was merely role playing as a vampire, but, too embarrassed to admit it, John presented the man's body as a vampire to the town, who thanked him greatly for his service.

Second Cock Blocking
After an additional two years of personal contract work and greater tasks with his master, John was ready to become an official hunter for the Order of the Free Cock. While John and Gabriel were staying in Miami, Gabriel headed out to retrieve the necessary supplies for the initiation ritual. After an excessively long two month wait, John became frustrated and set out on a search for his master. As John returned to Cock Castle, he saw a number of royal guards around the entrance. John rushed into the castle interior, and he was horrified to find the bodies of every single member of the Order, including his own master, scattered around the home with wilted, blocked cocks. John knew what he must do now, as dictated in the rules of the Order:

"If a member of the Order of the Free Cock has been cock blocked, he/she must commit suicide on the spot, for once tainted by the very thing which we attempt to destroy, you are no longer worthy of life."

- The Cock Commandments

As John drew his sword, now devoid of anything he once loved, he felt conflicted. In that moment, John felt a burst of passion and power instead of self-pity, and he set down his sword. Since the Order was all dead and nobody was around to enforce the rules anyway, John decided not to commit suicide. After reforming and reorganizing the Order as one man, John now knew he had to commit his life to finding Cock Blockula, to both save Jessica and avenge the deaths of the Order.

John spent several years doing contracts under the public guise that the Order still existed, and, with his funds and motives ready. John made his way towards Sova Scrotia. There, John fired an arrow at dangerous monster, which happened to be the Unnamed Alien Man, and he began his adventure with a group of individuals in The Gaping Asshole of the World campaign.

Death
After The Plot became agitated while John was staying in Orktown, reality began to collapse. John engaged in a pathetic duel with Nax Fel'Zora, in which John's skull was crushed in order to advance The Plot. John's body was recovered by five hooded individuals who claimed to be part of his "family," and their identity and location is unknown.

The Gaping Asshole of the World (Florida Arc)
John was the fifth character to join the party, introduced after inadvertently murdering the Unnamed Alien Man, thinking he was some kind of beast.